R.I.P. Doctor Julia Steinwick Klozenheimer

Frank here with most terrible news! I almost couldn't believe it! I'm a huge fan of Dr. Julia Klozenheimer's life's work, as she's the founder of Special Genetics in Hollywood!! There should be an academy award for this by now with all the breakthroughs that Special Genetics continues to have in make-up and costuming. I mean, any actress who has had her DNA re-arranged to look more youthful owes that to Klozenheimer's K-project findings. Anyway, in case you haven't heard, I'm re-posting this from MNH Tribune's website:

It has been confirmed that Dr. Julia Steinwick Klozenheimer was among the many who died yesterday during the incident at Setting Sun Studios in which several of the studios star monsters went on a rampage. It's been reported from numerous sources that Dr. Klozenheimer was struck in the chest by multiple gunshot wounds after being caught in a crossfire the occurred at Setting Sun Studios when military forces tried to contain the monster rampage that broke out early yesterday morning. When authorities moved in to seize the situation, they were met by interference from Dr. Julia Klozenheimer who was in the process of aiding several of the rampaging monsters to escape studio property. When asked to cease her interference, Dr. Klozeheimer refused and was subsequently caught in the crossfire of the following chaos. Dr. Julia Steinwick Klozenheimer was forty-eight years old when she died.

When asked for a comment, Setting Sun Studios representative Leon Shultz responded: “Dr. Klozenheimer was a very intelligent woman who was embedded with many of our monsters for most of their lives. Not only was she responsible for their care, she was directly responsible for the research that led to the creation of our patented Kyzilla monster, copyright Setting Sun Studios. When several of the monsters turned dangerous last night, the order was issued to put them down rather than risk more human lives. It is believed [Dr. Klozenheimer] felt an urge to protect her creations by turning against authorities. It is regretful that Dr. Klozenheimer put herself in this position. It was a very tragic occurrence that never should have happened and we at Setting Sun Studios wish to express our deepest sympathies to Dr. Klozenheimer's family.” When questioned about the level 10 Kythanium blast that erupted over Mega-Neo-Hollywood, Shultz added “We're still looking in to that. Setting Sun Studios certainly never authorized Dr. Klozenheimer to outfit our monsters with destructive capabilities. In fact, our science staff is ordered to pursue a molecular defanging process on our monsters' DNA that makes them less dangerous wherever possible in order to facilitate a safer environment for people. [Setting Sun Studios] will certainly be working with authorities to review Dr. Klozenheimer's work records in hopes of getting to the bottom of this unsettling mystery.”

Uh, Conspiracy!! The Tribune is reporting that security responded around 11:00 but most witnesses claim to have seen the blast over the skyline almost an hour before that!! And what was that about it being a Kythanium blast?!? WHOA! Excuse me?! Is Kythanium not suppose to be totally illegal for private and commercial uses or is the super-element that can melt your face off, rebuild it, and melt your face again now in hot commodity?! AND, what's with Leon Shultz and the off info? Setting Sun founder P.T. Denson commissioned Klozenheimer to create Kyzilla but not the other monsters as Shultz suggested. Denson's autobiography explains that after he left the military, he obtained the other monsters through cyrptozoology expeditions. And while I'm on it, I know I've said it a thousand times but why haven't those records been released like they were supposed to have been when he died! Something stank is so going down in the state: Denmark, dudes. Most stank. -Frank Attack, Frank Attacks Hollywood online.

BREAKING NEWS: RAMPAGE AT SETTING SUN!

Hey dudes, check this out:

Developing Story:

Dozens of military officers are missing and presumed dead in Mega-Neo-Hollywood this morning in the wake of a terrible monster rampage that occurred at Setting Sun Studios late last night. Many unconfirmed reports suggest that the incident began around 11:00 pm when several of the studios' well-known monsters went on a tirade in their stables for unknown reasons. The tirade prompted the studio's security force to tranquilize the monsters and it was then that several of the monsters broke free of their restraints and went on RAMPAGE. Military and B.B.R. units were immediately alerted to an emergency when a level 10 Kythanium blast appeared over Mega-Neo-Hollywood's skyline. Triangulating the blast's origins led authorities to the source: Setting Sun Studios. As this story continues to develop, there have been numerous reports of people including civilians being eaten alive by monsters with an estimted property damage on Mega-Neo-Hollywood's entire east end estimated to be in the ger-billions. “It looked like an utter war-zone,” said just one of the actors who played Wolverine of the carnage he witnessed from behind the window of his his posh Mega-Neo-Hollywood assisted-living loft. “There were military helichoppers flying in from all directions trying to get a spotlight on these things and I had to turn from the window because it was just an utter war-zone.”

Another neighbor, Ten-Jaques Garble, a local actor and server at the Atomic Skillet, called in to give another account through endless sobs: “I was in the middle of studying for this big part I have in the film adaptation of this book I heard about based on the Harry Potter series when there was this strange racket like all Hell breaking loose and it was then that I turned around to look out the balcony and I'll never forget that I saw this burning military vehicle flying through the air, hurled by some kind of dinosaur slug and it just crashed down on this funny hat club of little bearded men who I use to always see hanging out in the courtyard! I tried to shout at them from where I was on the balcony to run for their lives but there was too much noise- they were just caught so unaware, standing there calmly one minute and then- I don't know why they didn't run away! I keep telling the police that I think someone is dead over there but they just tell me that they already have their hands full with tracking all these loose monsters. What kind of justice is that?! I'd go check myself but I need to nail this part and I'm already too traumatized Traumatized by what he'd seen, Garble was unable to continue with his account.

Another famous neighbor who asked that her name be with-held for fear of exposure only consented that while she had witnessed the account, having lived in Mega-Neo-Hollywood for years, she has become hardend to monster rampages and was only concerned about what had become of her collection of rare lawn gnomes which had apparently been smashed in the courtyard during the chaos.

Of the monsters who rampaged at Setting Sun last night, The monsters,

KYZILLA














FLUTRA

SNAPTILE

THE SLUG MONSTER














Kyzilla, Flutra, Snaptile and The Slug Monster remain at large with their whereabouts unknown. Col. Ludwig Right, head of B.B.R. International wishes to warn the public that these monsters are extremely dangerous beasts with a thirst for blood. They be avoided at all costs and if sighted, authorities should be contacted immediately."

-Pat Robbins, MNH Tribune.

EXTRA: Rampage at Setting Sun tonight!!

Whoa! Dudes, Frank here, I don't even think there is a person in the world who doesn't know about this already but I'm posting here for our own posterity's sake because this is HUGE! There's some kind of monster rampage going on RIGHT NOW at Setting Sun Studios!!! All the goofball talking heads are spilling out a bunch of nonsense about how all Meganee military and B.B. specialist units are moving in to try and contain the whole thing but no one seems to know what's going on. There are a bunch of reports of some kind of light or lights (possibly gun-fire?) coming from the studio's south lots (which I remember from my tour is the stable area where a lot of the bigger monsters are kept.) Everyone's looking for Giovanni Alibaster for answers but no one knows where he is or if he's even aware of what's taking place. It's a good thing they have great insurance over there because the helichopper footage I'm looking at is showing a ton of major damage to the south gates. I will most def be following this insane turn of events.
-Frank Attack

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