Tuesday, January 13, 2009

R.I.P. Doctor Julia Steinwick Klozenheimer

Frank here with most terrible news! I almost couldn't believe it! I'm a huge fan of Dr. Julia Klozenheimer's life's work, as she's the founder of Special Genetics in Hollywood!! There should be an academy award for this by now with all the breakthroughs that Special Genetics continues to have in make-up and costuming. I mean, any actress who has had her DNA re-arranged to look more youthful owes that to Klozenheimer's K-project findings. Anyway, in case you haven't heard, I'm re-posting this from MNH Tribune's website:

It has been confirmed that Dr. Julia Steinwick Klozenheimer was among the many who died yesterday during the incident at Setting Sun Studios in which several of the studios star monsters went on a rampage. It's been reported from numerous sources that Dr. Klozenheimer was struck in the chest by multiple gunshot wounds after being caught in a crossfire the occurred at Setting Sun Studios when military forces tried to contain the monster rampage that broke out early yesterday morning. When authorities moved in to seize the situation, they were met by interference from Dr. Julia Klozenheimer who was in the process of aiding several of the rampaging monsters to escape studio property. When asked to cease her interference, Dr. Klozeheimer refused and was subsequently caught in the crossfire of the following chaos. Dr. Julia Steinwick Klozenheimer was forty-eight years old when she died.

When asked for a comment, Setting Sun Studios representative Leon Shultz responded: “Dr. Klozenheimer was a very intelligent woman who was embedded with many of our monsters for most of their lives. Not only was she responsible for their care, she was directly responsible for the research that led to the creation of our patented Kyzilla monster, copyright Setting Sun Studios. When several of the monsters turned dangerous last night, the order was issued to put them down rather than risk more human lives. It is believed [Dr. Klozenheimer] felt an urge to protect her creations by turning against authorities. It is regretful that Dr. Klozenheimer put herself in this position. It was a very tragic occurrence that never should have happened and we at Setting Sun Studios wish to express our deepest sympathies to Dr. Klozenheimer's family.” When questioned about the level 10 Kythanium blast that erupted over Mega-Neo-Hollywood, Shultz added “We're still looking in to that. Setting Sun Studios certainly never authorized Dr. Klozenheimer to outfit our monsters with destructive capabilities. In fact, our science staff is ordered to pursue a molecular defanging process on our monsters' DNA that makes them less dangerous wherever possible in order to facilitate a safer environment for people. [Setting Sun Studios] will certainly be working with authorities to review Dr. Klozenheimer's work records in hopes of getting to the bottom of this unsettling mystery.”

Uh, Conspiracy!! The Tribune is reporting that security responded around 11:00 but most witnesses claim to have seen the blast over the skyline almost an hour before that!! And what was that about it being a Kythanium blast?!? WHOA! Excuse me?! Is Kythanium not suppose to be totally illegal for private and commercial uses or is the super-element that can melt your face off, rebuild it, and melt your face again now in hot commodity?! AND, what's with Leon Shultz and the off info? Setting Sun founder P.T. Denson commissioned Klozenheimer to create Kyzilla but not the other monsters as Shultz suggested. Denson's autobiography explains that after he left the military, he obtained the other monsters through cyrptozoology expeditions. And while I'm on it, I know I've said it a thousand times but why haven't those records been released like they were supposed to have been when he died! Something stank is so going down in the state: Denmark, dudes. Most stank. -Frank Attack, Frank Attacks Hollywood online.

No comments: